Well, I've had a bad day, and I'm really feeling downtrodden and ready to give up. The main thing is that I didn't lose an ounce this week. It really shocked me, because I have really busted my ass this week, going to different classes, working out almost every day for an hour...I have sweated buckets this week, and I'm sore all over my whole body. Plus, I ate like an angel all week. And what do I have to show for it? Nothing. I'm starting to wonder what's the point. I mean, why should I work so hard and deny myself the joy of eating what I want, when it's all for naught? If this is what it would take to just maintain my current weight, then I'm totally screwed. I don't really know what more I can do at this point. I'm just so tired. I need the cosmos to throw me a bone here. I have absolutely no motivation to continue as of this moment.
Secondly, Brian got his car stuck in our neighborhood this morning, after sliding down a hill. That mostly sucks for him, but it sucks for me by association.
Thirdly, I clogged the toilet this morning. Badly. Now, I know this may be TMI, but it's just another brushstroke in the complete painting of my day, to help you get the picture.
Fourthly, when Nick and I were playing outside in the snow, he informed me that he had to pee. He had just peed before we went outside! He was already covered in snow and soaked, so I didn't think we had time to get him inside and get everything off. So, I told him I would just pull his pants down a little and he could pee in the snow - one of the main plusses of being a boy! Well, for some reason, this idea totally freaked him out, and he refused to let me do it. So, he then proceeded to pee, A LOT, in his pants. I mean, you could see the steam rising from his crotch, and the pee soaked his pants and started pouring from his jeans. It was disgusting. When I finally got him inside and undressed, amidst amazing amounts of caterwauling, I discovered that one of his socks was soaked because the pee had totally run down into his brand new snowboot. Now, how the hell am I supposed to clean the pee and/or the smell out of the inside of a snowboot? I don't see any way to do that.
Fifthly, Nick was crying so much and I was so frustrated and already upset about the other stuff that I ended up totally losing it with him and overreacting and yelling at him, and I feel like a total failure as a mother and a human being. I could see the fear and shock in his eyes as I yelled at him, and I've probably scarred him for life.
I don't know what my problem is today. I'm just feeling like a failure - like an unhappy, fat, bad mom. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Sorry if I've brought you down...
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
1 year ago
3 comments:
Amy,
You are NOT a failure. Everyone has days like that and Nick knows you love him. I have done this myself and have felt horribly, but I think the key is for them to see that we make mistakes and that we will apologize and try to do better. I think rather than scarring kids, it is actually good for them to see us as humans, especially if we learn from our mistakes! YOu are a fabulous mother, but as my friend Rebecca pointed out to me, EVERYONE struggles with motherhood. It is the hardest job there is. Go easier on yourself. It sounds like you need some major TLC.
As for the weight loss, please do not despair. What it totally sounds like to me is that your muscles are retaining water, which is temporary and quite common, especially after changing your exercise routine, and even more especially when you add weight training. Please try to hang in there another week or two and I bet you will see amazing results!!!! It will have been worth it.
I am so sorry your day has been so bad, and I can completely relate. As for Nick's boots, if there is a way to wash them, that would help, but it won't completely remove the smell. Ihave learned this the hard way. However, you might try putting baking soda in them once they are clean. I have gotten the pee smell out of our carpets that way and it really worked.
Anyway, do something really nice for yourself today. You deserve it and need it!!!
First off, if you've been working out quite a lot over the last few months, you're probably gaining muscle mass....which weighs more than fat. So, while your weight may stay the same, it doesn't actually mean that you haven't lost any fat. It just means that your muscle mass probably caught up with your weight loss this week. Do not despair.
Secondly, it can take at least a week for things to catch up with you, so perhaps last week you ate a few things you normally wouldn't eat, and it's now caught up with you. Or perhaps you're retaining water. It can be a lot of things, and frankly, staying the same weight is a hell of a lot better than gaining weight. I know it's frustrating, but it's not a reason to give up.
I'm sure with everything else that's happened today, not losing weight just seems that much worse. I've been there, so I know it's frustrating. But it's certainly no reason to give up. Get back on track tomorrow and all your hard work from this last week will probably pay off on the scales next week.
Oh, my Amy-friend! What a horrific sounding day for you! Sometimes things just come crashing down all in a big bunch. You are so totally NOT a loser or bad mom or fat or any bad thing you might decide to call yourself. Wish I could give you a big hug right now!
Seems like kids are pretty resilient and Nick is so young yet that I doubt this will be a defining moment in his life. I'm not a parent, but I can imagine that sometimes it can be frustrating. And I know you and know that your sweet boy knows how much he is loved!
As to the weight, have you measured yourself in addition to stepping on the scale? I bet you are making progress even if the scale doesn't show it. I know how hard you are working on this, but no matter what, you are a beautiful person with some great knockers!
Hang in there! I love you friend and am sending good feelings your way.
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