i'm feeling disappointed

Well, I only lost 1/2 of a pound this week. I know that I should just be happy that I'm still moving in the right direction, but after losses of 3 and 2.5 lbs., .5 just seems pretty lame. I really thought/hoped I'd lose more! I've been working out quite faithfully, and am in fact very sore today. I had really hoped that in 6 weeks' time, my loss would be at more like 10 or 12 lbs. rather than 8. Oh, well. I just have to keep my resolve up and hope for a better week this time. Patty, please come to my aid with some commiseration and words of wisdom and encouragement!

Not much else to say today. I sort of feel like I'm getting a cold yet again, which is just utterly crappy. I mean, I never get sick! And here I am, getting sick again on the heels of the Great Voice Loss of 2007. :) It's weird. What's up with my immune system?

I'm really not in as bad a mood as this post would suggest. Sorry if it was a downer! It's a pretty slow day for news...

doin' a little mental happy dance

The reason for the aforementioned cha-cha-cha is that I just found out that Angela knows how to play backgammon!! It's rather eerie the things we have in common: we both sing, we both share all 3 initials, we both have one or more tattoos :), etc.

Anywho, I LOVE backgammon. When I was a young kid (less than 10, probably), we got a backgammon set. My brother and I learned how to play and would sit in our rec-room and play constantly - we were rather obsessed with it. I remember that my Mom always put the potato chips in this big, tall, orange Tupperware container, and we'd tip that puppy on its side on the game table so that we could chow down whilst playing backgammon. :) We had all these weird superstitious things we'd do, like if we wanted to roll a certain number with the dice, we'd say a strange incantation and tap the dice cup on the other person's head. We were rather freakish. That is actually one of the few really fond memories I have involving my brother - I'll cherish it always. After my brother moved out when I was 14, we'd still play from time to time, but it eventually dwindled to nothing as he got busy being an adult.

When I was a freshman in college, I taught my best friend, Thea, how to play, and we ended up playing it obsessively, too, along with rummy and Canasta. We'd take the backgammon set to Taco Bell late at night and play while we ate our Mexican pizzas. That summer, Thea tragically died in a car accident, and I really haven't played backgammon since then. I tried to teach Brian how to play, but it's just not his thing. So, I was overjoyed to find out that I FINALLY know someone who can play and enjoys it! We played 3 games today, and I have a feeling that it could become a bit of an obsession with us, as well. Backgammon rocks! I'm such a dork. :)

On a side note, if you've never tried No Pudge Fat-Free Brownies, I HIGHLY recommend that you do. They couldn't be easier to make - you literally just stir the mix together with some non-fat yogurt and pop it in the oven. Each brownie has 110 calories and no fat (they're kind of high in sugar, but you can't have everything!), and more importantly, they actually taste good! I know - it sounds impossible, but they're pretty amazing for being fat-free. Give them a try and let me know what you think.

Those are my random thoughts for the day.

say hello.....

...to my little friend!


Yup - I went and did it, and I love it! It's on the inside of my left ankle. I've always wanted one, but was too chicken to actually go through with it. Enter my new neighbor, Angela, a fun-lovin' gal who has two tattoos already and wants another one. And, of course, she wants me to go with her. And one things leads to another, and....there you have it! It definitely hurt, but wasn't unbearable. I might even get one more someday. One never knows! Now, for the advertising portion of my post: My tattoo was done by Will Spencer at Show Me Skin Art on Missouri Ave. He's awesome! The shop is bright, clean, and inviting, and very safe. So, if you want a tattoo, go there. :)

Here is a picture of Nick on his first day of preschool, clutching his Cars case:

Not much else to report today. My delightful friend Rebecca is coming over this evening with her husband, Andy, and her 2.5-year-old, Cooper. The boys (and the moms) know each other from playgroup. So, I'm looking forward to that.

I already knocked out my exercise for the day, so the rest of the day is smooth sailing...

i'm out of the twos!!! i'm into the ones!!!

I'm simply beside myself, because I have lost 2.5 pounds this week, and I now weigh 198.5, the first time I've been in the "ones" in 4 years. It feels so incredible. And it was totally unexpected, because I didn't feel like I'd been very "good" this week, especially considering my pig-out at Applebee's on Sunday. Maybe there IS something to the theory that if you pig out one or two days a week, it "revs up" your metabolism so that you burn even more calories, even when your eating goes back to normal. Maybe I should pig out every Sunday! :)

Brian says that he can see the weight-loss, but I'm a bit dubious about that. I don't really feel like I look any thinner, and my clothes still feel the same. I think that when you're starting at 206, you have to lose considerably more than 7.5 lbs. for it to start showing. But, it's very sweet of him to say that, nonetheless. He's been so supportive of me, just like always.

In other news, I think that Nick has given up his paci, just like that, totally out of the blue! He still uses (used) it only when sleeping, and it really didn't bother me that much, as it stayed in his crib. I had started thinking, though, that it was really time to let it go, so I hadn't bought any more new ones. Well, he was using his last one, and it was looking pretty gross. When he woke up yesterday morning, I said "You know, your paci is getting pretty gross, and we don't have any more. I think it might be time to think about letting it go soon, because you're a big boy, and you don't really need it anymore." I had no intention of making him give it up right away - I was just trying to plant a seed. Well, he said "OK - I'll throw it away!" and proceeded to plop it in the trash, just like that! I said "Are you sure?" and he said "Yes." When he took his nap yesterday and went to bed last night, he asked about it, but he wasn't upset at all, and I just said "Remember? You threw it away because you're a big boy." He was just like "Oh, OK!" and was totally fine. He slept just fine without it. It's so funny - I was expecting the giving up of the paci to be this big, drawn-out affair, fraught with consternation, and instead, it happened almost as an afterthought. Kids can be so astounding sometimes!

I have to go and clean my kitchen. I've been giving my whole house a really good cleaning this week, and I just have the kitchen left. Then, the whole place will be fabulously clean, if only for a fleeting moment. I'm looking forward to next week, when I can just relax while Nick is at preschool, instead of rushing home and feverishly cleaning my house the whole time!

Over and out...

nick is officially a preschooler!

The first day of preschool was a success! I got Nick this cute little Cars soft-side lunchbox - not to hold lunch, but to hold Pull Ups, wipes, and a change of clothes. It's just the right size. He's very fond of it, and clutched it proudly this morning as we made our way to preschool. I paused to take some pics of him before we left. One of these days, when I get around to it, I will share said pics with you.

He was momentarily concerned when he realized that I was going to leave him there, but he quickly got over that and jumped into the fray. His teachers are Miss "Ula" (Ursula, a German lady), Miss Meranda, and Miss Trinesha. They seem nice, and the classroom is really neat and full of fun stuff.

While Nick was busy being a preschoolian, I went home and actually cleaned part of my house! It felt so good. I don't know that I've ever let my home get quite this dusty before. But, by the end of the week, it'll be all clean again, God willin' and the crick don't rise. :)

When I went back to get him, he did NOT want to go! That's always a good sign. While he didn't use the potty during preschool, he did ask to use it as we were leaving, so I took him into the restroom, where he went pee-pee on the potty! Whoo hoo! Baby steps. I will be absolutely thrilled if he ever actually tells his teachers he needs to go potty.

On the ride home, Nick regaled me with tales of preschool life, including playing with trains and trucks, singing "Three Little Monkeys," and having apple juice and animal crackers. During snack time, he revealed to me, "the pink kid spilled." He has a habit of referring to people by the color of their clothes, something that has caused some embarrassing moments when he has called attention to someone wearing black. Out of the mouths of babes!

When we got home, Nick decided that a screening of Cars would be the perfect way to unwind after a hard morning's work. And now, he's napping, so I'm blogging...

back home

Well, I'm back from Springfield, after a nice weekend. I got a fresh haircut, spent lots of time with Tim and my Dad, and even ran into a couple of old college friends whom I hadn't seen in years! I got a new pair of jeans at JCPenney and some neat stuff at the 1 Spot in Target. And my solos went well on Sunday. Not what I would consider my absolute best, but fine by everyone else's standards. And, I got my money, so that's what really matters. :) And the capper to the weekend was a rip-roarin' dinner with Tim, Dad, my sister, and my two teen nieces. We were so ridiculous and loud and immature that I'm sure the whole restaurant hated us. :) God, it was fun. Good times. What life is all about, really.

I didn't eat very angelically while I was there, which I had realized would happen. Actually, it was really only yesterday that I totally blew it, when we had dinner at Applebee's. But, I'm back home with no plans to return to Springfield for several weeks, so I'm ready to buckle down and be "good" again.

Nick had his preschool developmental RE-screening today, which thankfully went way better than the first one. It would seem that the environment made all the difference. Whereas the first screening had millions of kids everywhere and lots of distractions, this one was a private appointment, one-on-one with the screeners, in a closed office. And apparently, he did great. (I wasn't in the room.) The main screener emerged afterwards and said "He's such a hoot!" I just love it that other people think my son is a hoot. That's the best endorsement I could think of!

to quote one of nick's potty books,....

"I'm so proud of me!" Not because I went pee-pee on the potty, but because I have now lost 5 pounds, and I'm almost out of the 200s. The day I weigh 199 will be such a great day. I know that losing 7 pounds isn't really a huge thing, but you have to understand that it's been 4 years since my weight started with a "1". So, it's more of a psychological thing. I can't wait to ditch the "2"s! I'm feeling so accomplished and empowered today, and I'm just going to ride the wave...

wish me luck....

...because tomorrow is weigh-in day. I'm a bit trepidatious, because I haven't been quite as angelic as I should this past week. We shall see what happens. This is so hard! Wah! Why can't losing weight be easy??? Okay, I'm done being a baby now. :) Not much else to say right now. I'll be out of town this weekend, so I won't be posting. I'll try to get on tomorrow morning and at least post my weight before I leave for Springfield. If any of you are "So You Think You Can Dance" fans, who do you think will win tonight? I'm not sure - I think it will probably be a girl. I sort of hope it's Sabra.

well, the day just took a turn for the worse...

We took our Chevy Malibu in to the dealership because the horns won't honk when you press the steering wheel. We know the horns work, because they honk when we use our keyless entry. We figured it was just a loose wire to the steering wheel or something. Well, they just called and told us that we need a new airbag module, and it's going to cost $850. OMG. >:( I hate having to own two cars - it's just one frickin' thing after another!!!

random ramblings

My Dad was here for the past couple of days, which was nice. Brian had to go out of town overnight, so my Dad stepped in to keep me company. :) We took Nick bowling, which was really fun. I did quite well - a 159! I had 2 strikes and about 5 spares, which is nothing to sneeze at. I'm a pretty good bowler, but I'm just not consistent. Nick even did pretty decently with the bumpers, and got a few spares by sheer luck.

I also took my Dad to the commissary so he could stock up on some stuff. I like taking him places, but he moves so slowly, and sometimes I find myself getting very frustrated at the pace. :) But, I just need to remind myself that there's no fire and no bear chasing me! :)

We ate out while he was here, but I did quite well. At Wendy's, I had a 5-piece chicken nugget and a baked potato, and at Cracker Barrel, I had a grilled chicken breast, corn, green beans, and just 1 biscuit with jam. What a departure! I'm really proud of myself. It's pretty much impossible to keep my online food journal when I eat out like that, but I'm hoping that I didn't go over too much on my calories. For the next few days, I'll just be hanging out around the house, so I should be able to get back on track. But this weekend, I'm going to Springfield, so I don't know how that's going to go. My Dad just doesn't have appropriate food, and I don't love the idea of taking a bunch of stuff with me. And, we tend to eat out when I'm there. I'll just have to make the best choices I can.

Two days ago, Angela and I tried this new Denise Austin dance aerobics video, and it was pretty fun, though very difficult at times to keep up with all the new moves. We had enough hubris to do the whole 55 minutes, and now I'm very sorry. I'm so incredibly sore!! For the time being, when I do that video, I'm only going to do 30 minutes of it. I need to work up to the whole thing. That's typical for me, though - getting all gung ho and biting off way more than I can chew. When will I learn? Tonight, we're going to go walking.

I'm getting really concerned about my singing gig on Sunday, because I'm STILL hoarse, and my singing voice is nowhere near back to snuff. At this point, I'm afraid I'll have to cancel, which really bums me out. I love the song I'm supposed to do (Mozart's "Laudate Dominum"), and I just really want to be able to do it. Sometimes it's so frustrating being a singer and having my "instrument" be susceptible to stuff I have no control over. :(

My poor child is having a bad day. I think he's just full of way too much energy, since he hasn't been outside in ages due to the extreme heat. He's just very contrary, disobedient, and quick to cry today. This heat wave has got to break!

Tomorrow is preschool orientation....

the amazing shrinking stomach

So, for 6 days, I only ate at home, and I carefully tracked my calories and kept them in check. Then, last night, I was faced with the first BBQ invitation during my weight-loss campaign. We went to the BBQ, and I was bound and determined to control myself. I thought I was being so good! I ate just one hamburger with some ketchup and mustard, about 8 oven-baked fries, a helping of this tomato and sour cream salad, and a small amount of broccoli salad. Probably too many calories by my new standards, but way less food than I would have eaten in the past. Well, when I got done, I felt totally AWFUL! I mean, I felt bloated and disgusting and sluggish and my stomach actually hurt. And even worse, this feeling persisted for a couple of hours afterward. It totally blew my mind. Obviously, even in just 6 days of dieting, my stomach must have shrunk a little or at least gotten "used" to less food. I was just miserable. I guess that's actually a good thing. I really don't want to feel that way ever again, so I'm going to do my best not to! The body's ability to adapt and change really amazes me. And I'm proud of myself, because even though I felt so gross, I made myself do my 30-min. aerobics video and I got through it. Not a huge amount of exercise, but better than nothing.

I bought a new workout DVD today (I need some variety!) and also ordered the Gazelle Edge elliptical machine (that one marketed by Tony Little). I just need to surround myself with different ways to exercise, I think. I get bored very easily, like a 5-year-old! :) But, with my newfound determination and a little help from my friends (you know who you are!), I think I'm finally on my way....

whoo-hoo!

I may still be sickly and voice-impaired today, but I'm also thrilled, because I lost 3 pounds this week! Yay! Technically, with last week's 1-lb. gain, I guess I've really only lost 2, but I'll still take that.

I don't really feel well enough, but I'm going to go ahead and force myself to exercise tonight - I really hate to go more than 3 days without it. Angela and I are going to check out the indoor walking track at Davidson Fitness Center and see how we like it. Any time this stifling, miserable heat-wave wants to abate is fine by me!

My latest cheap-o personalized note cards came yesterday from vistaprint.com. They're so zesty - something small like that can really make my whole day. I actually got 2 sets - stylized floral ones with my name and cute train ones with Nick's name. I admit that I'm a bit obsessed with ordering note cards from vistaprint! :)

could my son BE any cuter?!

I'm still feeling pretty bad today, so Brian went to the commissary after work to get us some groceries. I told Nick that he was doing this, and Nick said "He's a sweet man." :) This is reminiscent of what he said the other day while we were watching Ellen DeGeneres: "I like that Ellen - she's a wonderful person." I swear I don't make these things up!

i've had a bad day

I hate to be Negativa, queen of Pessimismos, but that's just who I am right now. For one thing, I have totally lost my voice - my mild cold seems to have led to laryngitis. It sucks! For another thing, I took Nick to a preschool developmental assessment today, and it was horrible. He was totally spazzy and unable to sit still, focus, and do what they wanted him to. That, coupled with my lack of voice, was just too much for me. And all day since then, he's been really disobedient and contrary, and I can't even take a firm tone with him! :) So, I'm bummed. I had to schedule a re-screening, but I really don't believe it will be any better. This is always how he's been. Sometimes, I really wonder if he has ADD. I know that sounds extremist, but as time goes by and I see his behavior and I read stuff about it, he rather fits the profile. We've enrolled him in preschool - just 2 days a week, 3 hours a day. It starts in two weeks. I'm really concerned about how he'll do in that environment. I can just see him being the kid who is spazzy and unfocused and won't sit in his chair and actually cooperate with anything. I hope he proves me wrong; or at least, if he starts that way, I hope that after a while he settles in and improves. Today, I'm just really worried about it and concerned for him. I know I just need to take a deep breath and not freak out or get all maudlin about it, but that's easier said than done. Oh, and did I mention that I'm hungry? :)

well, blow me down!

Today, I did something I should have done a long time ago - I picked up a brochure at McDonald's with the nutritional info for all of its foods. OMG! I mean, it's not like I didn't know the stuff was high in calories, fat, sodium, etc., but to see it all in print is pretty sobering. While I was there, I had a relatively healthful lunch of a hamburger and a fruit & walnut salad. Go, me! Anywho, it's funny, because in a previous blog, I wrote about how I was proud of myself for choosing a cone instead of an M&M McFlurry. Boy, I did not realize just how stupendous of a choice that was. Here's the scoop (pun intended): a cone has 150 cals., 3.5 grams fat, 15 grams chol., 60 mgs sodium, 24 grams carb., 18 grams sugar. By comparison, an M&M McFlurry has (are you ready?) 620 cals.(!), 20 grams fat, 55 grams chol., 190 grams sodium, 96 grams carb., and 85 grams sugar. I can tell you one thing: seeing that info in black and white pretty much ensured that I will never again have a McFlurry! There really is power in knowledge. There are a few things at McD's that are decent choices, like the hamburger, 4-piece chicken nuggets, anything with grilled chicken, apple dippers, parfait, and cone. So, take heart! You can still eat pretty decently there, as long as you know what to get and what to avoid.

I'm doing well sticking to my 1800 calories a day (Yesterday, with exercise, I netted under 1500!), but I'm constantly hungry! I keep telling myself that my stomach will shrink and the hunger will abate eventually, but it's hard to soldier through. Even as I type, my stomach is growling and I feel slightly nauseated. But, I still have 630 calories to go today, and it's already almost 7 p.m. So, I guess I should go eat something!....

very useful website

I recently discovered a really cool website: My Calorie Counter (see link on sidebar). On it, you can enter the foods you eat and track not only your calories for each day, but also other things like fat, cholesterol, sodium, fiber, protein, etc. You can set it up with your target totals for all these things, and it will keep a running total and tell you what your remaining balance is for each. You can also enter your exercise each day, and it will subtract those calories for you. It has a large database of foods, so once you look up a food and enter it in your journal, it will save that food so you don't have to look it up again. If you can't find a food, you can do a custom entry and enter the info yourself - again, it will save it so you only have to enter it once. Be careful - I did find that on some of the foods its database has, the info differed somewhat from what it said on my food packaging. If there was much of a difference, I just created a custom entry for that food using the info on the packaging. If, like me, you tend to eat a lot of the same foods from one day to another, it will initially be somewhat time-consuming to enter everything for the first time, but once you've got most of your foods entered, subsequent entries will be very quick. It's really user-friendly and pretty efficient. There are other tools as well, including a measurements tracker, a blog, etc.

It's pretty neat to see everything laid out in front of you in black and white, so I'd definitely recommend giving it a try! To have access to all of the features, you do have to pay a membership fee - you can pay $20 for 6 months or $35 for a year, so it's pretty cheap. I'm going to try it for 6 months and see what I think.

well, color me discouraged

I'm pretty darn downtrodden right now, because I GAINED a pound this week! I've been working my butt off exercising, feeling really good about it, and I was positive that I would see the fruit of my labor when I stepped on the scale. Gah! Why is it so hard? I mean, if I was maintaining my weight for the past 3 years while doing no exercise whatsoever, doesn't it make sense that if I went from doing no exercise to doing about 45 mins. a day, I would lose weight? It just makes me feel like it's all for naught, and I might as well give up. I'm not going to give up, but right now, I sure feel like it. In the past, this has always been the point where things have gone downhill - when I've worked so hard and been sure that I had lost weight, but then hadn't. I'm the kind of person that really needs a concrete reward for my efforts, ya know? I need tangible evidence that what I'm doing is actually accomplishing something. Now, I know all the arguments - even if I haven't lost weight, I'm certainly more healthy and fit; I might have gained muscle; maybe I've lost inches but no weight....but the fact remains that I have a lot of weight to lose, and so far, nothing has really happened! I'm not asking for some huge weight loss - just 1-2 lbs. a week would thrill me to no end. But to gain a pound during a week when I've been working my butt off is just so insulting. Harrumph. Grrrr. Sigh.

Sorry for the ranting and venting, but then, I guess that's what my blog is for. I could really use some encouragement right now to help me keep going. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Please, someone, say something positive and hopeful, and tell me that my efforts WILL pay off! Thanks...