i'm fed up!

i'm so sick of being overweight. so incredibly ashamed of myself. i still can't believe that this is me - that this body is what i've become. because it's not really me. i used to have the world on a string. in college, i was normal-sized, sexy, confident, felt like i could rule the world if i wanted to. then, i woke up one day and i was fat, frumpy, unconfident, and felt like some kind of has-been. a wife and mom, but where is amy? i can't believe that i'm 50 lbs. heavier than i was when i got married 10 years ago. and the sad thing is that i can't even blame my pregnancy for my weight. that was all there beforehand. i'm only about 8 lbs. heavier than i was when i got pregnant. every day, i tell myself that i'll start tomorrow, only "tomorrow" never comes. i have a major problem with motivation, willpower, you name it. i know what to do, but i just don't do it. i really have no excuse whatsoever. with me, my main nemesis is exercising. sure, i don't eat perfectly, but i can control that pretty well, especially when i'm at home. i don't feel particularly obsessive about food, and usually eat because i'm actually physically hungry. of course, i don't always stop eating when i should, and i don't eat the best things all the time. but, my main problem is that i'm too lazy to get up off my butt and exercise. we have a treadmill in the basement, set up with a TV/DVD player, but it sits dormant. the basement is so inhospitable, so lonely, so dreary. i'd rather be upstairs with my boys. that is my lame excuse. pathetic!



fear not - this message is not ALL doom and gloom. and believe me - i'm not depressed. that's the funny thing - i'm still a pretty happy person, going about my life and enjoying things. it's just that each and every day, i'm disgusted with myself for my laziness and lack of ability to follow through. what galvanized this post, you asked? well, i tried on my bathing suit. yes, i have one bathing suit, which i haven't worn in several years (jill s. - remember water aerobics?). i put it on today, and i was horrified. i can't go on this way. i want to be able to wear whatever i want, to go to the pool with my son, to feel free and attractive and confident.



so, i'm going public with my struggle. at least, as public as this blog might be. to start, i'm commiting myself to just 15 minutes of exercise a day, and i'm going to keep a brutally honest log on the righthand side of the blog, so you'll know if i've done it or not. please, read and comment. cheer me on if i stick to it, shame me if i don't. maybe that's what it'll take. i'll note any weight loss i achieve. i'm also going to admit to any excessive eating i do, so it'll all be out there in the open. something's gotta change! the funny thing is that if i really stuck to it, i could easily lose all the weight i want to within 6 months. that's really such a short time! it kills me to think that there could just be 6 months standing in the way of having a good body and being healthy again. to think of all the "6 months" i have wasted. well, no more. it starts now. wish me luck.