wow - 10 years!

Today is our "unofficial" 10th anniversary! We got married legally on this date, because Brian needed the lead time to acquire "married housing" and facilitate my move to Japan to live with him on the Army base. Our actual wedding was on Oct. 4, and I joined him in Japan towards the end of November 1997.

Anywho, we don't normally celebrate this date very much, but because this is the 10th, this anniversary seems more special than most. We exchanged cards, and Brian totally surprised me with a very pretty necklace - the sweetie! The pendant is pink, which was very well thought out by him, since I wear a lot of pink tops. We spent most of this morning in bed with Nick, watching Mary Poppins. We both agreed that it really doesn't get much better than that.

As do all marriages, ours has had its share of ups and downs, and even some really difficult times. In some ways, we got married for a lot of the wrong reasons, and many thought our union was questionable at best (us included, sometimes!). But, we've persevered and discovered that in the most important ways, we really are meant for each other and totally compatible. We feel like a team, and Brian is (to quote Dr. Phil) my "soft place to fall." It's so wonderful to know that I have him to come home to, and with Nick, we've created a wonderful little family of our own. I'm proud that we've always come through the tough times and stayed together, and after this many years together, I'm still happy to see him every day, and we don't get tired of each other.

We've created a certain comfort, stability, and security with each other that I don't take for granted, as I know that many people haven't found this in their lives. We have our own jokes, quirks, nicknames, and vocabulary, and we know all each other's weirdnesses. :) We see eye-to-eye on things like finances, decorating, and other things that some couples bicker over. Brian treats me so well, and I know that he would do anything for me. I mean, how many husbands give their wives a footrub and backscratch pretty much every night? He's an amazing father, and it fills me with love to see how he is with our son. He never begrudges me time away or time for myself, and he definitely carries his weight in the housework department. He's a man of honesty, integrity, and honor, and I'm so lucky to have stumbled upon him on the Internet all those years ago, before it was even fashionable! :) Even during hard times, when we're fighting or distant from each other, I don't consider the D-word, and I never worry that he would leave me. I know that we're in this together and that we both want to preserve what we have and keep building on it.

On this day, 10 years into our marriage, I just want to say how much I love him and how I can't wait to see how the next 10 years unfold! Happy 10th Anniversary, Mack
Daddy!

good morning, baltimore!

Hairspray rocked my face off! Such a rollicking, feel-good movie. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and highly recommend it. In fact, I think I'll have to purchase the soundtrack - it's so fun and upbeat. I was joined by my friend Jutta, and another friend, Leigh Ann, surprised us by showing up, too. After the movie was over, we stood around talking for WAY too long. I was wracked with maternal guilt, because I had told Nick that I would be home to put him to bed, but I wasn't. Later, Brian told me that at bedtime, Nick was asking where I was. :) Today, I apologized to him for my mistake. I think that's a great way to teach him to do that himself, and to teach him that we ALL make mistakes. He's such a sweet kid - he said "It's OK, Mommy!"

Didn't exercise yesterday, but that was deliberate, as I was developing shinsplints and thought I should have a day off. But, Angela and I will be hitting the gravel again tonight - whoo hoo! I'm actually looking forward to it - that's so weird for me.

I've thought about trying the new weight-loss drug Alli, but 2 things are stopping me: the cost (at least $90/month) and the possible "treatment effects" - loose, uncontrollable stools and gas with oily discharge. The message board on the website has a whole thread to discuss how to remove the stains from your clothing. Ewww! I don't know if I could handle that. I think I'll stick to exercising and trying to watch what I eat, at least for awhile. I do know some people who have had success with phentermine, and am thinking about seeing my doctor and discussing that with her. Also, my faboo friend Patty suggests that I try Weight Watchers, which I'm intrigued by. The point is that I certainly have options. I want to send a public shout-out to Patty - she is being so incredibly supportive and encouraging to me, and has given me some really useful tips and advice - I love her!

This is totally random, but I know that some of you will appreciate it. My WalMart has these two chest freezers for sale, sitting side by side, and each one has a sign on it that says "last one available." :) Lordy.

If anyone is interested, www.vistaprint.com is having a big sale through tomorrow, with some things free (you just pay shipping). I ordered myself these totally cute personalized note cards - 10 free plus $4.41 shipping. They have lots of really neat designs, and you can add whatever text you want, change the color schemes, fonts, etc. Where else can you get personalized note cards for 44 cents each? They also have free business cards, return address labels, etc. Check it out!

Hmmm - I'm totally rambling now. Sometimes, I'm just in a rambling mood, ya know? I don't really see a problem with that. :) But, I must go and attend to such things as laundry, etc. Hope everyone's having a good day...

a nice, social day

Today, my neighbor and walking buddy Angela had a BBQ. It was nice to go and socialize with people and eat the yummy food. Of course, I ate too much (those hot dogs and salads were just too tempting), but the nice thing is that this time, my attitude isn't all fatalistic and defeatist. I'm not all "Well, I'm a big pig, so I should just give up." Instead, I'm all "So, I ate too much. On to tomorrow." Sweet! It was nice to get to show my house to my zesty friend Rebecca. She had never been here, but came to the BBQ, so I brought her over for the tour. She was very complimentary. Love that! I am really proud of my house, but too few people actually see it.

Angela and I walked this evening, but not for as long as we planned, because we stopped to talk to a neighbor we had never met. It was a nice conversation, and I hope that I'll see more of her. She has twins (a boy and a girl) that were born less than 2 weeks after Nick, so I know that he would love to play with them. It was a nice diversion, even if it did cut into our walk. But, we still walked for 30 minutes, yakking the whole time. :) I'm feeling very warm and fuzzy towards Angela right now for being my walking buddy. It seems like she's really committed to it and will be with me for the long haul. I sure hope she will, because I really feel like we're on to something that could make a huge difference for me. Assuming that all this walking leads to weight loss and general fitness, I will never be able to thank her enough for helping me. Love her! Also, the nice, juicy conversations are great fun.

I'm off to get my poor sore feet rubbed by my lovely hubby....

another funny thing nick said...

The other day, Nick caught an unintended glimpse of me in my festively striped panties, and he said "Mommy! What nice underwear!" :) That boy. I nearly died laughing.

complete disclosure

I figured, if I'm going to go public with my weight-loss efforts, I might as well go whole-hog (pun intended) and reveal my actual weight and target weight. Nothing like a little public shame to motivate one! As you can see on the sidebar, my beginning weight is 206, and according to the BMI calculators, I'm well-established in the "obese" category. I really don't think of myself as obese, but apparently, I am. To be in the normal category for my height, I have about 55-60 lbs. to lose. Ack! It seems like such a huge number. But, I really want it, and I think that this might just be my season for success. I hate to sound like I'm begging, but honestly, any encouragement, prayers, whatever I get will be immensely appreciated! I think that to feel like I have "partners" in this endeavor will be a huge contributor to my success. After all, I am rather a social butterfly. :) Patty - thank you so much for all your helpful comments. You're such a great friend and person! I love you and miss you.

I'm feeling really good today, because my disgustingly thin neighbor :), Angela, has agreed to start walking with me in the evenings, and we walked last night for 45 mins. Whoo hoo! And, we're doing it again tonight. So, big kudos to Angela for being my walking buddy. I think it's going to make a huge difference to have someone to walk with. It's so much more fun that way! I feel like I really might be on my way this time...

P.S. I'm going to see "Hairspray" on Sunday - I'm so excited!

the concert went well!

All-in-all, it went quite smoothly. There were a couple of songs that weren't so hot, and that had trouble spots, but that's to be expected when you've only had 6 rehearsals and are doing some pretty ambitious music. My solo went great - I felt really good about it, and I got lots of kudos afterwards, which is always nice. The best part was that my niece and I had 8 people representing us in the audience! My Dad, sister, brother, brother-in-law, best friend, and 3 other nieces were all there! That really made me happy.

After the concert, I went over to my best friend's house, and ended up being there until almost 3 a.m., talking and laughing with him. It was great! It made me feel like I was back in college. (Don't worry - I'm not a negligent mother; Nick and Brian were at home, and I was in Springfield solo.) Of course, I was very sorry yesterday morning, and am continuing to feel the effects of staying up that late - I'm just not cut out for that anymore! Sad, but true.

Yesterday, after a brief hullabaloo when my car mysteriously wouldn't start (It finally did, and the dealership couldn't find anything wrong - hmmm.), I ran a couple of errands and then came back home. It was a nice homecoming, with Nick SUPER happy to see me! Now, I'm just catching up on stuff and enjoying having hubby home on summer leave. He'll be off work until August 6! Whoo hoo! Currently, he and Nick are watching Mary Poppins AGAIN - it's Nick's latest obsession, and he has to watch it at least once a day. He has great taste! :)

More later....

the harry potter movie was...

pretty good. Rather condensed, though, and of course, very dark. The books just get darker and darker as they go along. It was over 2 hours long, but could have stood to be closer to 3. But, hubby and I had an enjoyable time. We have gotten our final book, and Brian has sucked it down in a few days. I'll start reading it later this week. I'm excited, but sad that it's all coming to an end. But, I'll get over it. After all, they're just books! :)

Didn't fit in my 15 mins. of exercise yesterday, and feel guilty about that. But, I'm back in the saddle today, and that's what counts. I had a minor victory last night. I was starving after the movie, and wanted a sweet treat. Rather than the McFlurry I would have normally gotten at McDonald's, I got a cone. Now, I know that's not health food, but the point is that it's way better than an M&M McFlurry! I was proud of myself.

I'm doing a few things around the house today, and this afternoon, I will leave for Springfield for my choral concert. I'm going by myself this time, as Brian is off work and can stay here with Nick. I'm looking forward to spending some time with best friend Tim after the concert. Should be a hoot, as usual! Tomorrow, I'll do a bit of shopping, and then come back home in time for Brian to go to his class tomorrow evening (He's working on a master's in information technology management).

Wish me luck tonight!....

my new mantra is....

"I don't overeat." Not "I shouldn't overeat" or "I'm trying not to overeat," just "I don't." It's kind of nice to put it that way - like it just is. It's a state of being, not something I'm striving for or feeling guilty about. It sounds hokey to try to "fool" myself in this way, but it just might work.

I'm also trying really hard to practice mindful eating. This is pretty hard for me to do, because I'm VERY used to reading while I eat. It's incredibly difficult for me to sit down with food and not reach for a book or magazine. But, when I'm reading, I'm not paying attention to the eating, and I don't really experience the food. The theory is that if I pay attention to the food and really experience it with all my senses, I might be more satisfied by it. It makes perfect sense, doesn't it? I'll let you know how it goes....

Off to see the new Harry Potter movie with my hubby this evening - yay! Then, I'm off to Springfield for a couple of days for the choral concert mentioned on the sidebar. Wish me luck with my solo. I'm glad that the weekly driving to Springfield will be over - I can just relax for awhile! Brian is on leave for two weeks, so we can do whatever we want. Bliss!

i'm fed up!

i'm so sick of being overweight. so incredibly ashamed of myself. i still can't believe that this is me - that this body is what i've become. because it's not really me. i used to have the world on a string. in college, i was normal-sized, sexy, confident, felt like i could rule the world if i wanted to. then, i woke up one day and i was fat, frumpy, unconfident, and felt like some kind of has-been. a wife and mom, but where is amy? i can't believe that i'm 50 lbs. heavier than i was when i got married 10 years ago. and the sad thing is that i can't even blame my pregnancy for my weight. that was all there beforehand. i'm only about 8 lbs. heavier than i was when i got pregnant. every day, i tell myself that i'll start tomorrow, only "tomorrow" never comes. i have a major problem with motivation, willpower, you name it. i know what to do, but i just don't do it. i really have no excuse whatsoever. with me, my main nemesis is exercising. sure, i don't eat perfectly, but i can control that pretty well, especially when i'm at home. i don't feel particularly obsessive about food, and usually eat because i'm actually physically hungry. of course, i don't always stop eating when i should, and i don't eat the best things all the time. but, my main problem is that i'm too lazy to get up off my butt and exercise. we have a treadmill in the basement, set up with a TV/DVD player, but it sits dormant. the basement is so inhospitable, so lonely, so dreary. i'd rather be upstairs with my boys. that is my lame excuse. pathetic!



fear not - this message is not ALL doom and gloom. and believe me - i'm not depressed. that's the funny thing - i'm still a pretty happy person, going about my life and enjoying things. it's just that each and every day, i'm disgusted with myself for my laziness and lack of ability to follow through. what galvanized this post, you asked? well, i tried on my bathing suit. yes, i have one bathing suit, which i haven't worn in several years (jill s. - remember water aerobics?). i put it on today, and i was horrified. i can't go on this way. i want to be able to wear whatever i want, to go to the pool with my son, to feel free and attractive and confident.



so, i'm going public with my struggle. at least, as public as this blog might be. to start, i'm commiting myself to just 15 minutes of exercise a day, and i'm going to keep a brutally honest log on the righthand side of the blog, so you'll know if i've done it or not. please, read and comment. cheer me on if i stick to it, shame me if i don't. maybe that's what it'll take. i'll note any weight loss i achieve. i'm also going to admit to any excessive eating i do, so it'll all be out there in the open. something's gotta change! the funny thing is that if i really stuck to it, i could easily lose all the weight i want to within 6 months. that's really such a short time! it kills me to think that there could just be 6 months standing in the way of having a good body and being healthy again. to think of all the "6 months" i have wasted. well, no more. it starts now. wish me luck.

loud, sustained scream of utter frustration!

I am so incredibly frustrated, angry - scratch that in favor of LIVID - and generally disgusted at the state of customer service today. I am so sick of people who either can't or won't do their jobs and who give out blatant misinformation either because they're too stupid or too lazy to do otherwise! I am so sick of having to do all the hard work because those who are paid to won't do it. I am literally shaking right now. It's too long of a story to explain, and frankly, it's not worth it - I just had to vent. Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

i'm BAAA-aaack!

Whew! I finally have a chance to sit down and blog again. I love doing the MSU summer choir, but going to Springfield every week from Tues.-Thurs. does have its drawbacks. I can't seem to catch myself coming or going. Only two more weeks of that, though, and then the rest of the summer will calm down a bit.

Actually, it will calm down a bit more than we even thought, because we have made the tough decision to cancel our trip to the D.C. area to visit Brian's parents. We have been watching the news with trepidation during the past week, as Homeland Security is now indicating that a terrorist attack could be imminent this summer. After discussing it ad nauseam, and then talking to Brian's parents, we have decided that it's not worth the risk to fly Nick in and out of D.C. right now. We realize that this makes us seem overly paranoid and cautious, and maybe we are. But, we just have a bad feeling about going, and no matter how we slice it, it doesn't make sense to do something optional that could put Nick in mortal peril. It looks like, at least for the foreseeable future, we will only go to visit them by car. Before you comment and say "But, don't you know that driving is more dangerous than flying?", just let me point out that we realize that this is statistically true, but we simply don't feel good about flying in and out of D.C. in particular, given the current climate. If they lived in, say, Alaska, we would not have cancelled. We do realize that the chances of something happening are infinitesimally small, but for our own reasons, we are not willing to go. And, even if we were willing to go, Brian's parents told us point blank that they don't want us to. So, it's been decided, and we will try to drive up there in the fall, perhaps. We drove last fall, and actually ended up enjoying the heck out of the trip! We stayed in hotels for two nights each way, and it all went very smoothly. In all honesty, we had thought we'd always drive there from then on, but this trip came up very suddenly and impulsively, and due to schedule conflicts, we simply didn't have enough time to drive. If we plan ahead for the next visit, though, that won't be a problem.

I have all manner of mixed emotions about our cancelled trip - sadness, disappointment, anger, resignation, hopelessness - but honestly, I just don't feel like expanding on that right now.

What else is new in my life? I will be singing a solo in the upcoming choir concert ("I Know that my Redeemer Liveth" from Handel's Messiah), so I really need to get my butt in gear rehearsing it! I've been so lazy lately, and need a kick in the pants. I'm sure it will go fine, though.

Since we are going to have some unexpected free time during Brian's summer leave, we are thinking of taking a day-trip or two to keep ourselves occupied. Any ideas?

Something else going on (that some of you will undoubtedly not care one bit about, but, hey, it's MY blog!) is some progress on the potty-training front!!! Nick has actually been giving the toilet some action during the past couple of days, and we're pleased as punch. We think we still have a long way to go, but this is a good start. It's about time! Please wish us luck. I'm still skeptical that he'll potty-train in time to start preschool in the fall, as I'd hoped, but I guess that stranger things have happened!

In other news (and you have to realize that for me, this is a really big deal), I have made the huge decision this summer that I don't care how fat my upper arms look - I'm going to wear tank tops! This is a major breakthrough. WHOO HOO!!!!!! :) I'm sure that some of you ladies will totally understand where I'm coming from here. The funny thing is that now that I have embraced tank tops, I've gone whole hog and pretty much wear one every day now. I tend to be a very all-or-nothing sort of person. Of course, I had to go shopping to support my new habit.

This just in: My husband just came into the room and told me that Nick said "The last time I got married, I was born in the brown hospital." He kills me! I don't know what we did before we had him - he sure makes life interesting.

As you can tell by now, I'm totally rambling! And you know what? I don't care! I'm a little punchy today. I think I'll be done soon, so just stay with me. Actually, I think I'm done NOW. Over and out.

i had to share this!

Nick has a play kitchen along with a large collection of play foods. A little while ago, he was trying to use the mustard bottle as glue to "fix" a toy which has a piece broken off of it. My husband ask him why he was using the mustard, and he replied "Because the chocolate milk won't work!"

p.s.

I'm off to Springfield tomorrow-Thursday, so my nascent blog will sit dormant for a few days. I stay with my Dad, who is still in the dark ages. :) Even though I just started, I'll rather miss it! I think I could get into this blogging thing...

Anywho, look for new posts at the end of the week.

the not-so-common cold...

Well, my kick-butt immune system has finally failed me. I virtually never get sick, and in fact, I went all winter without so much as a sniffle. But here I am, with a cold in July! The indignity.

It's funny, because those of you who know me know that I have a really hard time just relaxing or resting or taking it easy (or whatever similar phrase you prefer). When I had mono in high school, I was aghast at the thought of missing school, despite the urgings of my parents and doctor. So, I soldiered on, choosing one day each week to stay home. I chose the day with the lightest schedule - no tests, etc. I hated even taking that one day a week, but I had to do something to appease the authority figures. :) It seemed like a good compromise to me, but my doctor thought I was "overly driven to succeed."

In the intervening years, I really haven't changed, but now, finally, as I get a bit older, I'm realizing that when I get sick, I feel exhausted and crappy for a reason, and maybe it's not the wisest thing to ignore that. (Man, what a run-on sentence! You'll find those a lot in my writing.) A couple of days ago, before I even knew I had a cold, I was just BEAT! Totally exhausted, and I didn't know why. But, I actually spent the morning sleeping - in bed, on the couch, on the futon. I just sort of moved around the house, not wanting any piece of furniture to feel left out. The main reason for this change of heart is my husband - he is so supportive, and to him, it makes total sense that if I'm sick, I should rest. He doesn't begrudge me the rest, and even urges me to take it. He is slowly but surely changing my thinking and helping me to become easier on myself and more forgiving of the egregious sin (in my warped mind) of unproductivity.

I guess that I never really believed before that it takes all of my body's energy to fight an illness. And maybe when I was younger, it didn't, but now it really seems to! In my case, I really must have a helluvan immune system, because I feel like something the cat dragged in. It's really in there, fighting the good fight. And I have finally realized that if I do give in and sleep and rest, it helps me to feel better later and not get so run-down. I slept much of the day yesterday, too, and I took a siesta today, as well. I just gave in, and it felt kind of good. I have finally admitted that I, Amy Jane, cannot conquer all, and that sometimes, I just have to admit that I'm sick and tired and go sleep it off. Yes, I still feel guilty and worry about everything I have to get done, and fear that my to-do list will just snowball and get out of control, but I don't give in to those worries, and I guess that's the first step. Now, if only the day would come when I don't even worry.....fat chance! :)

The moral to this long, rather boring story is that we should all realize (if we haven't already) that taking it easy when we're sick is not a sign of weakness, but rather a wonderful favor that we should do for ourselves. It will help us get through the illness faster and feel as good as we can while we're enduring it. Resting during sickness is not a sin! You have no idea how huge it is for me to be saying that.

Did you have any idea that someone could blather on for so long about a common cold? :) I sure didn't.

dipping my toes into the waters...

Hey! I figured I’d finally jump on the whole blog bandwagon, although I’m still skeptical that I actually have enough interesting stuff to say to keep anyone coming back for more. I guess that’s not necessarily the point, though. My blog’ll be here if I want it. Don’t hold your breath for frequent posts, although I’ll do my best! Everyone I know seems to be blogging, so I was starting to feel a little left out.

As for the title, there was once an actual salamander in my Dad’s slipper (His house is in a rather wooded area and is a haven to many non-human creatures.), and my best friend (Tim - you’ll hear more about him) and I thought that would make a great children’s book title. We never wrote the book, but I figured I might as well put the catchy phrase to use as my blog title. Why not?

P.S. We don't know for sure if it was really a salamander vs. some other kind of lizardlike creature, but we were going for the alliteration. Artistic license, ya know?