one of those days

I haven't had a good day. Nothing earth-shatteringly bad has happened, and I know that compared to people with real problems, I shouldn't complain, but in my own opinion, my day has been rather disappointing. First of all, I had nowhere to go this morning, so the morning was rather long and boring. This, in itself, isn't horrible, but anyone who knows me knows how much I can't stand just sitting home with nothing to do and nowhere to go.

After Nick's nap, I finally got out of the house, when Nick and I went to the library on post to get his picture taken with Santa. Nick was really looking forward to this, as was I, mainly because it was going to be a free picture with Santa, not a ridiculously-priced one like we usually get at the mall. So, off we went with high hopes. Well, when we got there, they were on #24, and we were #108. Suffice it to say, we didn't stay. What made it even more disappointing was that the Santa and Mrs. Claus were very nice-looking - not cheesy in the least - and the backdrop was lovely. It would have been a really GOOD free picture with Santa. Harrumph! Nick and I then went out for dinner with Jutta and Bryan, where Nick was awful. He just wouldn't sit still, wouldn't obey me, wouldn't eat, etc. By the time we left, I was totally frazzled and sick of my child. Double harrumph.

So, on the way home, I finally got our mail out of the mailbox, and what did I find in the mailbox? I found one of my Christmas presents from Brian. This made me totally, irrationally livid (in fact, I'm still in the midst of this lividity [is that even a word?]). I mean, here's the way I see things. Even if I've told Brian specifically that I want a certain item, and even if I'm 99.99% sure that he's getting it for me, the fact is that I don't KNOW I'm getting it until I actually get it. Do you know what I mean? Even if I'm pretty sure he's getting it for me, there's still that element of surprise, suspense, anticipation. I think I'm getting it, I wonder if I'm getting it, but I don't know for sure, and I'll be totally delighted when I actually get it. I mean, look - I'm 33 now. Christmas and birthdays just don't hold much magic or excitement anymore. Is it too much to ask that my husband keep my gifts from me until he gives them to me? I've told him before to have stuff shipped somewhere else - he could use his office, my Dad's house, a friend's house. He's got options. So, for some reason (hormones?), I'm just insanely angry that he had it sent to our house, knowing that I'm the one who gets the mail every day. I put a lot of effort into making sure he never sees his gifts ahead of time, so why can't he? I just feel so deflated right now. Now, I know I'm getting this gift, so all the fun and anticipation is just gone. Does anyone out there know what I mean and think that I'm not totally crazy? If so, please let me know - you'll provide me with immeasurable comfort. I just feel like any small amount of excitement that I had for Christmas, any sense of the unknown or of anticipation that I felt in relation to my gifts, is all gone now. I mean, how unromantic and lame is it to pluck your own Christmas gift out of the mailbox on December 12? I know I'm overreacting and rambling, and I know that I should probably get over it and get my priorities straight, but right now, this evening, I'm angry about it, and I'm going to be angry about it for a while, dammit!

That's all I have to say right now (at least, it's all I have to say without just repeating myself over and over).